Words_of_The_Essay_God

so frustrated right now

I really hate how someone else’s problem becomes my problem… or how I get deeply emotional rather than thinking it out.  Humble my heart, O God…  Make it yours…

it’s so easy for my emotional side to get into things.  To just vent and not be wise for things.  And for everything to be MY WAY

I want to be the one loving on people, making sure they are taken care of.  But then at the same time, who am I to play God and take things into my own hands?  I’m just his servant, his son.

Yes, unity and intimacy will come but it’s not up to me to force that on anyone.  Everyone’s heart is different, and see’s things differently.  The only thing we have to do as Christians is continue to love on people when we can and follow in the image of Jesus.  Only God can work and bring people together, not me.  

I feel so selfish, of expecting everything to be so utopian and work so great, but that would be operating only in the flesh.  

God just humble my heart and run with wisdom.  Please guide me with my words and walk by faith rather than sight.  Let your will be done.

To better understand the children, to understand your children

Have me burn with a fiery passion

It shouldn’t be just Sunday School…

It should be EVERYDAY school

I screamed out at the bus, bursting from the car

Mom would hold back strongly so I wouldn’t go to far

Why did you have to go?  Why can’t you stay?

You don’t have to go overseas… please don’t go away

I want to play in the park again, amidst green pasture and sky

Me and my brother would run around for hours gone by

Now that we are both older, I know things are not the same

There are times we don’t get along…  and sometimes I only know your name

But I want to let you know… let you know that I’m proud to be your son

And thankful for every single thing you have done 

It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle of life sometimes.  So easy to get confounded with everything around me…  it’s nice to have one-on-ones with people.  For me, I kinda prefer it coz I don’t have to recharge my batteries as much as when I do go to crowd events.  

Still, I think it is good that I’m challenging myself by greeting people from LW.  Pretty hard tho, but it never hurts to show love and care in the house of God.

Gotta work on the Sproul thing tho :/ 

I came in as a jaded, worldly, beaten-down junior transfer student walking on the gates of Sproul Plaza.  I barely knew who I was and what I wanted to do in life.  Back then, I had so much expectations for college…  the many clubs I wanted to join… being the best in the music field… yadayadayada.  I thought I had everything, the best girlfriend, the best school, the best friends.  However, God was nowhere in that equation.  

I can imagine having a conversation with myself with the man in the mirror…  about how much I have changed and will continue to change.  He would probably ask me a lot of questions, of why I am the person I am today.  He would tell me I am different… unrecognizable…  called for something greater…

I was just the prodigal, rebellious, unloving son that only looked out for personal interests.  

But it’s amazing now that I have grown from that experience and transformed to someone who just wants to love on people.  

It’s not perfect in a sense because I still struggle in sin… and I definitely need accountability.  But there’s a great sense of freedom knowing Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.  

*man do I need to learn how to write again 

I definitely have a lot more to learn, even after graduating in music.  But then there’s always the chance to improve… to keep on building from mistakes

LW, it’s been good!  Looking forward to future years!  The Holy Spirit is just going to continue to be crazier and crazier!

you know that feeling when you one shot a dragon in skyrim and it dies due to your high level sneak skill… last night was kinda like that